So President Biden is dead-last when it comes to the Democratic choice for president. I should read this prompter better.
Yet, it's not just the right anymore who's stating the obvious about Joe. Even Dems finally realized that Biden is fossilized. If he was fuel, they would refuse to burn him. The ultra-liberal Washington Post columnist David Ignatius is throwing in the security blanket this week, finally admitting in print that Joe is too old to run for re-election or to the bathroom, for that matter.
If only he could admit that Joe is too old to cut his own food. But how daring, it's like admitting the ladies of "The View" enjoy carbs. Let's be clear: This isn't an elderly man's rapid slide into senility. It's about political operatives finally conceding to biological and political reality.
For those of you slow on the uptake, he's not just walking toward the light, he's trying to shake its hand. Thank you, and so after some throat-clearing about how great Biden has been as a candidate and a president — hang on a second — I'm trying not to vomit, Ignatius writes, "I don't think Biden and VP Harris should run for re-election. It's painful to say that, given my admiration for much of what they have accomplished."
Of course it's painful, Dave. There usually is discomfort involved when talking out of your a**. But he says that if Biden and Harris campaign together in 2024, Biden may undo his greatest achievement, making all that illegal money from China for his family by pawning his name like it was a stolen watch. So this just means being president is his greatest achievement as president.
I wonder what his second-greatest achievement is. Was it the collapse of Afghanistan or blowing up Nord Stream 2? Honorable mention, eggs costs six bucks.
But really the most important thing Biden did, says Dave, was keeping Trump, who kept Hillary from slithering back into the White House, I mean, who needs a president who puts this country first, right? No wonder there were less murders under Trump. Ignatius calls Trump 2024 "the nightmare of a revenge presidency," but that's exactly what the Biden administration has been already.
They don't care about how much worse your life is with their party in charge. This is all about their political fortunes and Trump would be their misfortune. Ignatius also admits, "Biden's age isn't just a FOX News trope." Well, thanks so much, Dave. Turns out we're not the only ones who can count all the way up to 80. And unlike Joe, we can do it without dozing off. Ignatius took to MSNBC, of course, to defend his surrender to the brevity of human life.
In addition to being mocked online, Biden received an X "community notes" fact-check for the error in one of his latest social media posts. (White House)
DAVID IGNATIUS: We're running out of time for there to be a meaningful process of looking at alternative candidates... He has a moment now where he ought to think about whether he should say no to himself about this fundamental question of running again. There's a strong feeling in the country, it's bipartisan, that when he takes office at 82, he's too old to serve a four-year term.
Now, that electronic noise you hear isn't microphone feedback, it's Biden's Life Alert button giving him the two-minute warning. So is this just the Democratic Party getting Biden out of the way ahead of the impeachment hearings? He could take more people down with him than the Lusitania. Wow, that's a reference.
Yet they keep claiming there's no evidence of wrongdoing. Sure, and Jeffrey Epstein killed himself, and COVID came from a bat, and Brian Stelter has never touched a Pringle, and Keith Olbermann has human friends. But if that were true about Joe, why are they suddenly admitting what we've all known for years, even before the 2020 election? How do they benefit from admitting that we were right all along? It's like they're pleading guilty to avoid the trial. And yes, they're pretending this is all their idea, much like Joe Biden's speeches.
You can gaslight people about a lot of things like diversity is our strength, or White supremacy is our biggest domestic threat, or Corn Pop was a *****. You can lie to them about inflation in foreign policy, you could even say this mouth-breathing hump is the smartest guy you know, but you can't un-old Joe Biden, not even with two dozen mothballs and a fresh change of formaldehyde.
He looks old, he acts old, he is old. The upside, he still poops like a 2-year-old, but even the White House press corps is catching on. Or rather, they realize they no longer need to pretend Biden is mentally fit to be president. Hell, it's a stretch to pretend Biden is mentally fit to beat John Fetterman at checkers. Roll it.
President Biden stumbles while boarding Air Force One in Montgomery, Ala., on Sunday, March 5, 2023. (Fox News)
JEFF MORDOCK: The president has lied about being at Ground Zero the day after the September 11th attacks, falsely claimed he saw the Pittsburgh bridge collapse, claimed his grandfather died in the hospital days before his birth. What is going on with the president? Is he just believing things that didn't happen did happen, or is he just randomly making stuff up?
See, that's the problem with electing a lifelong fabulist with creeping dementia that's now in an all-out sprint. Does he even know what reality is anymore in order to lie about it? It must be hard to remember a past that wasn't there to begin with. All these Dems aren't suddenly admitting this inescapable reality because it's the right thing to do.
They're admitting it because, like a 65-year-old stripper, they just can't spin it anymore. It's the same reason Ferris wheels won't take Chris Christie. And it's not just Joe, it's Kamala. Other columnists are also floating several options to replace Harris, including L.A. Mayor Karen Bass, Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, and a used cocktail napkin. Even Pelosi, when given the opportunity to back Kamala, can't help but deflect.
ANDERSON COOPER: Is Vice President Kamala Harris the best running mate for this president?
NANCY PELOSI: He thinks so, and that's what matters, and by the way, she's very politically astute. I don't think people give her enough credit.
COOPER: Do you think she is the best running mate though?
PELOSI: She's the vice president of the United States. Well people say to me, "Well, why isn't she doing this or that?" I said, "It's because she's the vice president. That's the job description. You don't do that much."
Yeah, I still give her credit for being able to move her face, but finally we agree the VP doesn't do crap, but back to Joe. There are plenty of 80-year-old Americans who are still mentally and physically capable of handling the presidency. You got Clint Eastwood, William Shatner, Steve Doocy, so kudos to these Dems for finally admitting it.
They finally learned not to put all your eggs in one casket. So it's no longer if he's out for 2024, it feels like when. They should just give him the gold watch and show him out. Except he might mistake it for a bribe and ask what Ukrainian prosecutor he needs to fire. Vegas is smart, they'll start taking bets from viewers on what month he'll drop out. Right, Joe?
TOM SHILLUE: Na, na, na, na. I'm not going anywhere, man, and nobody is going to do anything about it. And you know why, right? Because I'm holding a little something. It's called Kamala insurance. That's right, you think I got low numbers, take a look at a Harris poll. Yeah, she's better insurance than Flo from Progressive… She wouldn't look bad in one of them white pantsuits. Laugh it up, Laughy Kathy.
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Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of Gutfeld! (weeknights, 11PM-12AM/ET) and co-host of cable news’ highest-rated program The Five (weekdays, 5-6PM/ET).